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Your Duties and Responsibilities as a Groom – Use the 90:10 Rule

From the time she says “I Do” through your groom speech to the end of the wedding reception, your duties and responsibilities as the groom are that of a peacemaker.  You can of course, take any stance you want but the easiest road is that of the diplomat.  Keeping your bride-to-be happy is going to be the hardest job you’ll ever have beside the marriage itself.  But it can also be the most rewarding.  Here’s how.

Your bride has been filled with wedding “nonsense” from early in life.  Her mother, grandmother, friends and relatives have been filling her head of the perfect wedding since before she could walk.  She has this picture in her head of how she wants her wedding and it’s your job to make sure she gets it.  The best way is to keep the communications open between the two of you by doing more than just saying, “Whatever you want, dear”.  It’s time to take a stance!

The 90/10 Rule

Your time will be split between the 90:10 rule.  90% of the time you can say, “Mmmmm, mmm” or “That’s sound good, honey”, the other 10% you better be on the ball and use those diplomatic skills to keep the peace. Brides want a say in most things pertaining to their wedding even the groom speeches.  So take it on the cuff and use the 90:10 rule to the max!


90% - The Menu.  You can text on your Blackberry while your bride chooses the menu for the wedding reception.  Unless you’re picky about food, do you really care if Aunt Mable chews on chicken McNuggets or kebabs?  Here’s where you can say, “Mmmm, sounds good, honey”.

10% - Take A Stance On The Overall Budget.  There are hundreds of variables that will drive the cost of your wedding through the roof - The number of guests, the venue, and the date and other minor (and tedious) decisions that can tweak a budget.  If you don’t voice an opinion now, you’ll be paying for it later.


90% - The Invitations quandary.  There’s no need to squander your time on envelopes or fonts.  Unless your bride is dead set on the most expensive, cheapest ones are sufficient.  Another time to say, “looks good, sweetie”.

10% - Keeping Your Boys in Order.  It’s your duty and responsibility as groom to keep the best man, groomsmen, and ring bearer in line.  Be sure they know what they have to do before, during and after the wedding.  This is definitely your job not hers.


90% - The Cake!  Unless you really want to spent hours tasting cake, it’s best to leave this up to her.  After all, you’ll only be eating one bite of it anyway.  A good response is, “Tastes nice, Sugar”.

10% - Plan the Honeymoon.  Forget the hotspots, plan one where you can have a few weeks away from everything and get the nerves calmed down, for you as well as your bride. Choose your ideal quiet beach, local exotic place and name a price then zero in on the destination. 
*Note: Try to find out what your bride’s ideal honeymoon place is.


90% - The Flowers.  Do you really care?  Unless you’re into this, let her do the choosing.  A good time to say, “That looks great, dear” while playing that game on your phone.

10% - You Do the Music!  Your party's vibe starts and ends with the music.  Band or DJ? Classical or hard rock?  The wrong choice and all that catered food will go to waste.  Remember – The reception is a party!


90% - The Photographs.  If you’re into it then great, otherwise a good enthusiastic “That’s great you could get him/her”, is the correct response.  

10% - The Bachelor Party.  Your best man will arrange this and this is one party that builds that “trust parameters” for your new family-to-be.  How much you tell her is up to you but some questions are impossible to answer.  You can be sure she’ll hear about it at some point.  So beware! And be careful.


90% - The color of your outfit.  Gamboge or Malachite?  Do you care about the color of your cummerbund?  As long as it’s not ruffled neon pink or green, you’ll be fine with any color your bride picks.  The correct response is “That’s fine, honey”.  You just get your guys to the tuxedo shop on time.

10% - It’s Time to Wake Up to the Religion Part.  It’s just not fair to leave this to your bride, especially if it’s an interfaith wedding.  It’s time to take a stance on where the wedding is to be held. 


90% - The gift registry.  Do you really care what pattern your bath towels have?  This battle is hers unless you care about the pattern on your bath towels.

10% - The Uncomfortable Money-Stuff.  Money talks with her parents and yours over who pays for what, how much, and who’s making the decisions are unavoidable.  Speak now or forever hold your peace. 


90% - Help Select Parent Gifts.  Here you can go along and give the standard, “That’s fine, sweetheart.  I’m sure they’ll love it” response all the while thinking about that Hummer Limo you want to use for transporting everyone in the wedding party.

10% - Use The Heavy Hand For Transportation.  Even though you may want the Hummer Limo for transportation to and from the wedding, you can bet your bride is going to have some say in the matter.  Unless she drives one herself, “it ain’t goin’ happen”.  Here’s where your diplomatic flare comes in – you’re just going to have to compromise on this one.  It’s best to choose the black limo.


90% - Haggling with Vendors.  If this is your thing, go for it but women like to bargain and let’s face it, they’re better at it than guys are.  What guys thinks is a bargain is not usually.  The correct response is “I could really do it but you’re better at this kind of stuff than I am”.  Protesting too much and she just might give it to you.  So be careful!

10% - Groomsmen Attire.  This is one you can handle!  You may not want to but think of the ruffles you might have to wear if you’re not firm on this one. Just make sure you and your boys show up at the tux place, on time, to get fitted to your wedding gear.


90% - Writing vows.  This is a tough one.  It depends on your relationship.  You will have to write your own groom speech and you might get away with “just write something for me” for the wedding vows but I doubt it.  Again, use that diplomatic flare to compromise on this one.

10% - Buying the Wedding Rings.  Do I need to say it?  If you don’t you’ll be wearing those flowers on your ring finger for a long time. 


There you have it!  Your duties and responsibilities as groom for your wedding. After you get through with all these, you’ll find the easiest part is writing the groom speeches.  Try not to leave too much on the table for your bride-to-be.  Remember, emotions run very high during this time so pick your battles wisely. 

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