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Wedding Speech Jokes

Wedding Speech Jokes for all wedding speeches

Giving a wedding speech at a marriage reception is a tough task for anybody to do. But trying to make it a funny wedding speech is even harder. Over the years there have been a lot of funny things said at wedding speeches, about weddings, and life prior to weddings. These are all great things to use for your speech. Below is a list of funny clean wedding speech jokes you can include in your speech that can get the ball rolling for any wedding reception. They are sorted accordingly.

To start out, here are some great one-liners by various famous people:

 

  • By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
  • There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood
  • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman

And now here are just some other great one-liners:

  • At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
  • A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds reading: “Wife wanted.” The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

And here's another funny story you may include in wedding speeches :

The 6 Million Dollar Question

Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem. ”Come on Liz, admit it,” he ranted, “You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn't you?”
“You really are silly, Paul,” retorted Liz loudly, “I couldn't care less who left it to you.”

You can do many things to make a wedding speech funny, but jokes and one-liners are always a pretty safe bet. Hopefully these wedding speech jokes get your audience on the floor laughing and enshrine your wedding speech into the hall of fame.

And finally a few Best Man Jokes which you can include in your best man speeches. You can try finding more such jokes searching the net; there are loads of sites on free wedding speeches where you will find them. Here is an excellent resource of best man jokes though not free, I guess. But pretty cheap and worth trying, at least you must have a look at it. The link is towards the bottom of the page.

The classic ( a bit cliché ) first joke which the best man says is this: “The problem with being the best man is that you never get a chance to prove it.”

But here is the most cliché best man joke you could ever hear -
"If I'm the best man then why is she with him (the groom) and not with me?"

The best man, who is often the groom’s best friend, often has his teasing aimed at his friend. Here are a few typical best man wedding jokes -

“I can honestly say that in all the years I've known him, no one has ever questioned the groom’s intelligence. In fact, I've never heard anyone even mention it.”

“It’s not that the groom is lazy, but marriage is an expensive way to get laundry done for free.”

“He said he is going to be a model husband. I needed to know the real meaning of this so I looked it up in the dictionary and it said "A model is a miniature replica of the real thing." ”

The best man might also give his friend a few ideas about things to happen after marriage:

An elderly woman rushed up the stairs to the church, late for the wedding. An usher asked to see her invitation.
"I don't have one," she said.
"Well then, are you a friend of the groom?"
"I should say not," snapped the woman, "I'm the bride's mother!"

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